This may sound like a little boastful, but I reckon with the massive effort I put into my children it may be okay 🙂 I am a very proud Daddy and no matter what my children become, no matter what evil they would do I will still be daddy to them even if I do not condone it. They will always have a safe place with me and an ear to listen without judgement, and a shoulder to help carry them through whatever pain this world gives them. My Bride and I will continue doing everything we can to help them become the Gentlemen we pray they will become, allowing them to help many other people who may be struggling.
I also know the intense pain of children as I have written about my little Angel in Heaven before in my post An Angel Made Me A Daddy which I hope is haunting, terrifying and sad, but beautiful as I know Heaven is home. I carry this baby everywhere in my heart everyday. I am on night shift and have already been to look up at the sky and speak with my Angel. I will meet again one day when my Soul leaves this beaten up shell called a body and goes home to Heaven.
This however is about my two Sons, Matthew 12 years old and Noah who is 2 years old. My beautiful Bride whom I cherish, and I are trying raise two little gentlemen in this crazy world. I am exceedingly blessed to have sons. All I wanted from life was a Bride and children, anything else is a bonus, and I am very fortunate to have a Bride that loves me in return, not everyone is so fortunate.
Too many children are in the middle of a battle between parents. This is not always both parents fault as one may have decided they are more important that the children, or one parent may have been abusive, physically or mentally, mum or dad. The point to remember is that a child no matter how young or small, sees and hears more than any parent knows. I have seen through counselling children how much damage is done in the first years of a child’s life. It is extremely painful to be powerless to change the circumstances in their home, but also extremely rewarding to be the one to bring peace, clarity, safety, security, non-judgement and a listening ear to their pain, and seeing their growth out of that despair.
I have screwed up many times, as has my wife, but we have apologised to each other and our children when needed. I have to say in honesty it is a lot easier to apologise to my children than my Bride, but that is all part of the battle of a good marriage, to remember we are one, a partnership not enemies even though it may feel like it in the heat of a battle that means nothing, is about nothing, and will be forgot about when we look back and wonder why we said what we did to each other 🙂
Matthew is already a gentleman when he feels like it, as he is that mess of hormones between a boy and a man. We need to be understanding that in the process he will lose himself from time to time. He is very good at looking out for his friends, or those in his class that are feeling left out or don’t quite fit in somewhere yet. He hates bullies and has already took a few of them on and won! I was called to the headmaster one time, and he didn’t like it when I said I have taught my son how to box and fight when he has to defend himself or others. The headmaster also knew that my son would not have started the fight, but he did end it, and the other guy did not bully my son’s friend again!
My little 2-year-old Noah is also learning how good it can be to give something of his to someone else. If he is eating something he likes he may offer some to his brother, if he is in the mood. He has also learned this month how to say sorry, or “sowwy” as he says it. He just has to learn if I step on his toe dancing round the room to music, I say sorry and he doesn’t have too 🙂
The only time Noah is quiet at the dinner table is when we pray thanks to God for food, health, family and whatever has bubbled up. If you don’t believe in God explain that to me. We no longer have to tell him we are going to talk with God now. He just knows by the atmosphere and reverence in the room.
I also love the bond they have even though it is a ten year age gap. Obviously Matthew needs time out on his own away from Noah as he is older, but they love each other and do things, talk about things, share things that my bride and I never get to do with them. It is like their secret pact, and they don’t know we stand at the door and listen too 🙂
They are my life and my world. The reason I do what I do everyday. I think about what we will do when I get home, and how they could surprise their Mama. Last thing we did was buy an immaculate second-hand armchair, for very reasonable money, for her to sit on cuddled up with Noah as we only had sofas for a while now. My bride loved it, but I think the joy my sons got from surprising her with it was precious learning for them in our quest to help them become gentlemen in a world which has mostly forgotten the art of being a gentleman, treating a lady with the respect a lady deserves.
In this quest I have also looked at myself and realised how I could improve myself. I have a bad temper but having sons has helped to mellow me more, be more patient, control my frustrations when they are slower to learn something. They have learned me so much. This is when it works, when it is a circle. I learn them, they learn me. I am so happy in their interest in nature and animals. This is important that they feel the calm in the world. Their place to go and relax and think. An outlet for later in life.
We do speak about our first child in Heaven to them. Noah is still too young, but Matthew talks about it with us 🙂 children are a blessing. Also an extremely tough challenge at times, but so much fulfilment. If you haven’t read about our first child, the post is called An Angel Made Me A Daddy and if you wish you can read it here.
This is a video which says something about what I pray for my children. May this be multiplied. Our quest to help them become gentlemen would be multiplied when they meet their brides (in many years from now boys!) and treat them as I treat my wife, this is a massive daily task which I fail some days…and that they can learn their children to become Gentlemen and Ladies. It is not easy, we are never perfect, that is all part of the fun and challenge. Let me know your thoughts please, comment below.